Tuesday, 13 November 2012

The Art of Being Average

"Having excellence as a goal doesn't mean that we always achieve it. It can be difficult to achieve excellence in all major areas of your life simultaneously. Most of us have a few areas of life where we try especially hard to do our best. As a consequence, other areas receive less attention"

Average is Actually "Normal"

Humans can't be excellent every day. Everybody is just average some days.

There are days when we're under the weather, we're distracted by troubling events, or circumstances just conspire to make the day tougher.

It is not necessary that our work -- even our important work -- always be excellent. Often, just showing up is 99% of what we need to do.

And, to be honest, some days we are even worse than average. It's unavoidable. It's the law of averages -- double meaning intended.

But if you're like most people, and you're faced with a whole lot of things to do, some of them perhaps stressful or challenging, then let me be the first to wish you a very happy, average week.

Perfectionism can be paralyzing and is certainly stressful!

Monday, 12 November 2012

Fitting in

I would like to feel that I was a piece in their puzzle.

I want my own little slot to slide into where only I fit, where I am received, not in spite of my unique edges, but because of them.

I want them to feel incomplete without me, for them to feel the empty section which distorts the finished image where I am missing, and for them to spend countless hours tenderly searching for me under chairs and rugs, and squeal with delight when they find me and promise not to ever lose me again.

My family is a crackled jigsaw missing lots of bits. It’s not a faultless conclusion. It’s a child’s discarded toy, too difficult to complete, and too tedious to resolve.

Sunday, 11 November 2012


As the leaves fall and the trees turn bear in anticipation for the ice queen to spread her frosty breath, I have settled down calmly with recognition of the change of the seasons. I do mourn the balmy summer nights where the sun's rays stretch so generously into the evenings giving endless days and shorter dark, scary nights, but as sure as summer must end, winter will also pass in time.

DBT has thought me that rarely are things permanent. The gift of acceptance (when I can practice it) has allowed me to live a life less terrified by despairing thoughts and emotions. They do pass, maybe not quick enough, and maybe not for long enough, but the brief respite between the terrors allows us to reach deep inside ourselves and enjoy the time when we are in control. When the haze of distress lifts, it provides a short period of wisdom where preparation can take place, where gratification can develop and life can be lived.

Recently I have been living in an all too common mist of fear and anxious thoughts. It’s a fear fog which has established itself atop my recovery mountain. It’s holding me back from seeing the view from the top. I am out of breath and exhausted from climbing so high and so hard. Each step developed my emotional muscles and built my tolerance to exposure. I have had to face tough terrain and steep cliffs. Now as I reach the top, I am so so close to achieving the glorious moment of breathtaking beauty, the stunning view from the peak of the mountain. Yet my view is clouded with terror, and I am waiting for it to clear…..