Distress Tolerance SELF SOOTHE Ideas

Distress.  It is impossible to avoid, no matter how charmed your life may be.  Emotional pain and distress are an inevitable part of life. Yeah, I was annoyed when I heard that first too. But even the Duchess of Cambridge has crap to deal with!  The inability to learn how to effectively cope with intense emotion and distress only leads to increased suffering. I found that using my senses to soothe my distress really helped me to tolerate the emotions which were troubling me, without having to use other people as that crutch to stabilize me.

The goal with self-soothing skills is to comfort yourself emotionally by doing things that are sensually pleasant and, most especially, not harmful. At the same time, focusing your full attention on sensory inputs — on what you are physically experiencing in the moment (mindfulness) usually will get people outside of their own heads (and away from troubling thoughts, feelings, and impulses).

Learning to relax and self-soothe is crucial to healthy emotional functioning.  When you are relaxed, your body is not in a constant state of “emergency,” preparing to fight or run away at any given moment.  Most importantly, your brain is much more capable of coming up with healthy ways of coping with distress when physically relaxed.

I find that having a self-soothe ‘box’ is my saving grace, having it ready and stocked with all the things that I know work for me. What works for me also changes depending on the emotion, for example when I am upset, hugging a teddy is a fantastic, yet when I am angry, having a long hot shower nearly always helps me calm down.

Recently I was brainstorming some new ideas for my box, I asked some wonderful friends in a DBT support group on facebook, and found that it was the best thing I could ever have done! Between us we came up with a list which can be used as a reference when trying to think of something to RELAX AND SELF SOOTHE when undergoing extreme distress.

The skills and techniques listed below are a starting point only. Everyone has to find what works for them, and it may even be things that are not on this list at all, but if you are stuck, try some and see if they work. A good way to orientate yourself to self soothe is to really and mindfully focus on your senses while using these. Not all these things fit into my 'box' but that's why I am writing this post, so I can look at it when I am in distress.

RELAX and SELF SOOTHE ideas! (Please feel free to add ideas in the comments, this list is a work in progress!)

• Try something little to begin with, such as using a nice moisturizer on your hands and face after you wash them, also face and hair masks are bliss. I've been trying to do this for the past few weeks and not only does it help me to feel as if I am WORTH looking after, it has also dramatically improved my skin tone etc... (Life worth living!)

• Curl up with a blanket wrapped around you and a teddy bear. This is great for when I'm feeling little and afraid or upset and tearful. I like lavender filled wheat bags, heated in the microwave and placed on my neck.... I do this regularly when I write! 

• Watch a favorite movie (that way you can zone out and don't have to concentrate) Something mindless or funny is even better! My personal choices are; Pride and Prejudice, Shrek, Beauty and the Best, Emma, Actually..... any of the period dramas! I love the dresses!

• When was the last time you took a moment to gaze at the ocean and just watch and listen to the waves hit the shore?  It can be a wonderfully mesmerizing and stress relieving experience.  How about watching an exquisite sunset, or the leaves on a tree blowing in the wind?  These experiences are natural stress relievers and can provide wonderful moments of tranquility.

• Do you have a favorite piece of clothing to wear, something you instantly feel safe and comforted when you put it on? I have a pair of old baggy battered velvet purple pajama bottoms. They are so old and raggity, but I can't get rid of them! And I like to wash them in a nice smelling washing powder that my Mom used to use.

• Candles are relaxing and scented candles are truly a plus.  Most people enjoy the soothing benefits of soft candle light combined with the pleasing scents that aromatherapy candles can provide. I personally love Yankee candles as they are strong and are inexpensive. I have a fireplace in my room which cannot be lit anymore, but I fill it with candles and have a little meditation session when I am stressed, always works a treat!

• The best way to self sooth myself, I find during extremely intense emotional experiences is to retreat to my bedroom, and put on a tried and trusted self compassion relaxation. It was introduced to me by the wonderful Amanda Smith from Hope for DBT.  Here is the link for the 15 min meditation; 

 Self compassion meditation for intense emotions

• I find that art and crafts has a very soothing effect on me, and while I was inpatient I learned about mandalas, which are a form of meditative art, although they have a spiritual aspect to them, I find simply coloring in the patterns so relaxing and creative. Here is a link to a site where you can download and print out some to have ready for when you need them.

Website for Mandalas

• Photography forces me into the present, I have to be mindful to my surroundings and almost get a sense of external perspective through the camera lens. So if I feel the urge to binge.... I grab my ready packed camera pack and head outside and snap away! Even looking at happy memories through old pictures helps me too, like of the time I went traveling, or my 21st party.

• As I suffer from an eating disorder, using my sense of taste can be hard, but I have bought some lollipops to suck when I am angry as for some reason they help! I also find going out for a hot milky drink soothing, I have hot chocolate since I gave up caffeine last month, especially from Starbucks!

• Music is my lifeline, always has been ever since I realized that I can use my voice to express my emotions when words fail me. I love to sing and play guitar. Classical music are art to me, so I have few pieces which always help me calm down, especially during exam stress or when I was grieving a loss. I have made a playlist on youtube, which I am not going to post on here because everyone has different tastes, but I will post a song, which I feel describes how important it is to validate your emotion.

Heathers - Forget Me Knots

• Finally, a good old fashioned hot bath or long hot shower will always bring me back to the present, relax my body and calm my mind

For a very good alternative explanation of SELF SOOTH go to dbtselfhelp.com , This site is my online bible!

One Thousand Paper Cranes

Paper Crane!

I want to do something positive for my recovery, something which does not involve therapy, or food diaries or skills group. I need something more holistic, more spiritual and meditative. I need a project and I need a wish.

An old Japanese legend said that anyone who folds a thousand paper cranes so pleases the gods, the folder is granted a wish.  The well known story is Sadako and her 1,000 paper cranes.

Sadako Sasaki (January 7, 1943 – October 25, 1955) was a Japanese girl who lived near Hiroshima, Japan. She was only two years old when the atom bomb was dropped on Hiroshima on August 6, 1945.  As she grew up, Sadako was a strong, courageous and athletic girl. In 1954, at age eleven, she became dizzy and fell to the ground. Sadako was diagnosed with leukemia, the "atom bomb disease".

Sadako's best friend Chizuko, came to visit her and brought with her some origami (folding paper). She told Sadako the legend of the crane. It is Japanese legend that folding 1000 paper cranes (senzaburu) so pleases the gods that the folder is granted a wish. Sadako wished to get well. So, after hearing the legend, Sadako decided to fold 1,000 cranes.

After she folded 500 cranes she felt better and the doctors said she could go home for a short time, but by the end of the first week back home the dizziness and fatigue returned and she had to return to the hospital. 

Sadako continued to fold cranes. Even though she was in great pain, she tried to be cheerful and hopeful. Not long afterwards, with her family standing by her bed, Sadako went to sleep peacefully, never to wake up again. She had folded a total of 644 paper cranes.

Sadako's story had a profound impact on her friends and classmates. They completed her thousand cranes and continued to raise money from school children all over Japan to build a statue to honor Sadako and all the children affected by the bomb.

This is my project, my ambition. Wish me luck friends.

ACCEPTING the importance of MINDFULNESS

This has been a good week. I am feeling more 'me' again. Its not that the black cloud has gone away, its just I feel like I am better able to cope with the next storm life throws at me. Almost like I am prepared to fight now, posed and ready with my armor of skills and SELF-COMPASSION.

I returned to a meditation class on Tuesday and Thursday evening and it was simply wonderful. It was inspiring to listen to others stories of how meditation helps them in their daily lives. The inner peace they radiate really is infectious. I truly get the importance of MINDFULNESS in DBT this week.

When emotions wreak havoc, it helps to “get it out” — ranting to a therapist, friend or partner, or writing about your feelings in a diary, or blog like this one. Sitting down on a cushion to meditate is seemingly the polar opposite of this catharsis. But could it be that the two approaches are helpful for similar reasons?

Talking or writing about your feelings forces you to call them something. And one technique taught in mindfulness is naming your emotions. It’s part of noticing and detaching from those emotions vs. letting them hijack your bliss. I like to imagine it as 'the mindfulness wedge.” It’s about developing that pause button,' so you can observe emotions from the outside.

The main focus of DBT for me is gaining control over my emotions and it is now known that simply labeling my emotion promotes detachment, providing a stop-gap and the opportunity to choose of a healthier coping mechanism.

It’s very challenging to bring what you practice on the meditation cushion out in a real-life situation, when you’re actually in that moment — say someone is yelling at you — you have to remember to step back, say, ‘Oh, that’s anger I’m feeling,' and change what you do with that emotion, all in a millisecond. It takes a lot of practice. To help with this, I try to extend my meditation to everyday activities like going for a walk, having a shower, or drinking my morning coffee.

Often when you feel something, you don’t acknowledge it, and by avoiding that feeling, you perpetuate greater pain. Meditation helps me realize that I create my own feelings. If I’m in a state of frustration and I stop and observe it, I realize there’s another way to deal with the pain. Acceptance is key to dealing with distress, and it is without a doubt the hardest part of mt therapy, but each journey starts with a single step right!