I know, it's been far too long since my last post to even attempt to give an excuse. So rather than say "I've been too busy enjoying my recovery from emotional sensitivity" which to be honest, I wish were the truth, I'll try to explain whats been going on. I haven't posted because I wanted to leave BPD, EUPD, CBT, DBT and anything to do with my 'old self' as far in the past as I could. I threw the baby out with the bathwater insofar as my life seemed to be going OK, so I foolishly thought: "I don't need to look after my emotional sensitivity anymore". But recovery for an emotional sensitive person is not the same as recovery from a broken bone. You cannot only do the prescribed therapy for a few months after the event. You must learn the treatment, remember it, and continue to practise it as a preventative measure against future injuries.
Christmas and New year have come and the festivities have died down. I'm left wondering why I feel so emotionally delicate. I mean, I had an uneventful Christmas, almost enjoyable actually. It was quiet and there was little to report.
Perhaps it's the last 8 months finally weighing down on me. I can't shake the crushing feeling of being a total failure. I'm also currently therapist-less, which I find scary. Really scary. I have completed year one of four of an undergraduate Midwifery degree programme in my dream university. My dream course which will lead to my dream job and to my dream life. Seemingly.
But I'm not living the dream. Im on a year out, working 50+ hours a week for just over minimum wage to pay back crazy university fees that I wasn't expecting. Yet I haven't begun to pay my fees back yet because I'm bang in the middle of a emotional meltdown which sees me self destructing using old coping habits I thought I had left in my past.
So seeing as its a 'New Year, New Me' kinda time of year, Ive come back here to this blog, to where I found peace and recovery before, in hopes I may find it again.