As the leaves fall and
the trees turn bear in anticipation for the ice queen to spread her frosty
breath, I have settled down calmly with recognition of the change of the
seasons. I do mourn the balmy summer nights where the sun's rays stretch
so generously into the evenings giving endless days and shorter dark,
scary nights, but as sure as summer must end, winter will also pass in
time.
DBT has thought
me that rarely are things permanent. The gift of acceptance (when I can practice
it) has allowed me to live a life less terrified by despairing thoughts and
emotions. They do pass, maybe not quick enough, and maybe not for long enough,
but the brief respite between the terrors allows us to reach deep inside ourselves
and enjoy the time when we are in control. When the haze of distress lifts, it
provides a short period of wisdom where preparation can take place, where gratification
can develop and life can be lived.
Recently I have been
living in an all too common mist of fear and anxious thoughts. It’s a fear fog
which has established itself atop my recovery mountain. It’s holding me back
from seeing the view from the top. I am out of breath and exhausted from climbing
so high and so hard. Each step developed my emotional muscles and built my
tolerance to exposure. I have had to face tough terrain and steep cliffs. Now
as I reach the top, I am so so close to achieving the glorious moment of
breathtaking beauty, the stunning view from the peak of the mountain. Yet my
view is clouded with terror, and I am waiting for it to clear…..
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