Personal Responsibility and Action Plans

For a week filled with extreme emotions and tear stained streaks down my cheeks, I am feeling lighter. Clichéd as it may sound, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my mind, well actually, it’s been yanked off my mind by harsh but powerful words and my own realization that I am the only person who can ‘fix’ me.

If I was to summarize my experience of this last week of intense treatment, it would be in two simple words ‘PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY’. I have been jolted back into reality being on this programme. No-one is going to do the work for me, no matter how much I want it; it simply is not going to happen. No prince is going to ride in on a shining white horse and save me from the BPD monster, but I can get on my own horse, learn how to ride it and trot away into the sunset myself.  Personal responsibility in my recovery involves taking action and doing what needs to be done to get well and stay well. It involves problem solving, making goals and sticking to them. It involves making promises to myself, not my family, not my team and not my friends. It involves taking ownership of my life and my future. I must remember that am an expert on myself and gain back control of my life.

I have been given a wonderful sense of empowerment, while still validating my emotions. I am so afraid of what my life will bring now that my future is so uncertain. I feel it in the pit of my stomach; I have noticed the inability to catch my breath and the hot sweats I break out in when thinking about what I will do. Yet although these emotions wash over me, and I feel them, they are not going to change or improve my situation.

I have been really trying to use the core skill OPPOSITE ACTION in response to the anxiety. My action urge is to avoid, not thinking about options, not to get advice and not to apply for opportunities. That way I can’t be disappointed again, I can’t be rejected. Yet I am also not helping the problem, I am not giving myself a chance at a LIFE WORTH LIVING, and am pilling more misery on top of misery. More fear on top of more fear.

To go ALL THE WAY with this skill, I have to stop procrastinating and ‘just do it’ as the Nike ad tells us. One of therapists always tells me that ACTIVATION PRECEEDS MOTIVATION, so even if I don’t feel like applying for the internships, jobs, courses or voluntary work I just have to do it, then I will feel the benefits of my labour after.

It’s so hard in real life though, so the way I have tackled it is by making small little steps. The number one reason we put off improving our lives is because big changes feel so scary and unattainable. Which is why breaking goals down into small steps is the secret of success. There’s less fear when you’re just concentrating on what you need to do that day, and as you stick to your good intentions, you’ll be motivated to carry on until your new habits become a way of life. I was told to write your goal down on several pieces of paper.  Hang them up everywhere.  This is my first step to focusing on my commitment. Then make lots of smaller easier to achieve goals for each step of the bigger goal.

 So here it goes; I want to get back to university. I want to do a health science related degree. I either want to study occupational therapy or midwifery. It’s been my dream since I was a teenager, and I was two years into my OT degree when I had to drop out due to BPD.

Step 1: Find out what I need to achieve to get onto course and what university I can study in.

·         I need to have the skills to stay in university for 4 years,

·         Be able to endure 8 hour days of lectures/study.

·         I need to have communication skills to be able to interact with other students.

·         I need to be able to manage stress and have good time management.

·         I need to have the finances in place to support myself for the four years.

·         I need to be physically healthy and emotionally fit.

Step 2: Finish DBT and fully engage in therapy to learn new skills.

·         Attend DBT skills group and individual therapy every week.

·         Complete all homework and be willing to learn new behaviour patterns.

·         Adhere to DBT contract to create a life worth living

Step 3: Attend a less intense course/internship/voluntary work in order to build up skills and confidence.

·         Research opportunities online with voluntary organisations and apply for any that interest me.

·         Talk to and ask others about different opportunities.

·         Update CV and write cover letters.

·         Follow up on all leads and correspondence.

Step 4: Get finances in order

·         Talk to social welfare office

·         Find out about financial aid for going back to university.

·         Continue to babysit and pick up small manageable jobs

·         Set up credit union account.

·         Try to save when I can.

Step 5: Work on personal relationships

·         Stay in touch with friends, and be appreciative of their love and support.

·         Reach out to family; be considerate and patient as they are also learning new skills.

·         Make efforts to create new friendships.

·         End destructive relationships.

·         Be honest

Step 6: Foster and develop creative talents and interests

·         Make regular time to write/attend writing classes

·         Listen to music daily, sing.

·         Keep art supplies stocked and ready to use

·         Make cards/collages/draw/paint

·         Learn new things as often as possible.

This is all I can think of right now, but I know that more steps and action plans will emerge from these rudimentary goals. It feels good to have a plan, something to work towards. i don't feel so empty ans lost. 

My three words for 2012!

Every year, people around the world make the terrible decision to set inhibitory New Year’s resolutions for themselves. They often times revolve around giving something up. Stop smoking, lose weight, or get out of debt. The thing is that the majority of people out there already break their resolutions come February because they set an unobtainable goal for themselves. Besides that, if you wanted to become the best person you could possibly be and you knew you needed to do a specific thing to achieve it, why would you wait until the beginning of the year to start? Why not June 30th? 

Having being one of these said people, who never live up to prescribed resolutions, this year I am concentrating instead on three words which sum up my motivation for recovery and self development in 2012. 

My three words for 2012 are ALIGNMENT, CONNECTION and IMPLEMENTATION 

I looked for three words that would help frame my challenges and opportunities for 2012. I didn't just think about where I am at this exact moment. For example, I don’t have the greatest job, but setting a goal in 2012 to get a better job might not be very useful. Once I’ve got the job, then what? Instead, I thought about setting the goal of “Alignment,” where I ask myself, “does this fit with everything else I intend for myself in this year?” Alignment also stands for balancing my health and lifestyle. I want to re-align my body back into its full health. 

The three words idea is built so that you can have something to reflect upon. As you know, goals should be SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timely). The way you use the two together is that you think up goals that will match up to your words. For instance, my second word is ‘connection’. This relates to lots of areas of my life, such as building a better relationship with my mother, and also reconnecting with old friends and also building new connections with new friends. Also connecting with myself and growing in my personal development by forging new synaptic connections in my brain with all the new habits I will learn. 

Therefore the goals around this word are to spend one full day a month with my mother, text/phone/facebook/email my old friends and suggest meeting up, and really attain and focus to changing my destructive behaviors by practicing DBT skills every day. These goals are specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timely. 

What will your 3 words be? How do you choose? 

Pick three words that help you the way a lighthouse helps a ship in a storm. Give yourself a word that guides you towards a powerful new opportunity, and that keeps you focused on what comes of this year. Use these words as starting points for tangible goals, SMART goals that can be measured and have dates to accomplish tasks by. These words sit above the actual goals, and set your guiding principles in place. 

Finally, all ideas are worthless without implementation. There is no shortage for projects and ideas out there. Big or small, none of them will get off the ground and see the light of day without proper execution and follow-through. So my final word is implementation. State what you are going to do and then do it. 

What 3 words or phrases best describe what you want to accomplish this year? Write them down on your whiteboard or somewhere else you can see them every day and use them to guide you to success in 2012!