Restless Night, Restless Mind.

The rain pouring so heavy tonight. At first I couldn't tell if it was raining in my head, or if it was real. I can hear the buzzing of the electrical items in the room. A little bit of light is creeping into my room through the window from a street light outside. As I wipe the tears from my eyes, I can see dancing shadows on the wall, I can still hear the rain and I want to know if it is real. I am tightly wrapped in blankets yet can't feel them on my skin. I slither up in my bed and peer out the window sill. There are beads of condensation along with drops of rain dripping down the dirty glass. Relief floods over me as now I know that it wasn't only raining in my head. The dancing shadows are the naked trees outside, fragilely blowing in the wind. I have never felt the need so bad to be outside in the rain. But I want to feel the rain pelt down on my skin, I need to feel something real, something that I can touch. I don't want to feel pain, I want to feel the cold November air. I want it to wash away the misery on my skin. I don't want anything but that rain. I sat there for hours watching the trees, watching the rain drops slam onto the outside layer of glass. I feel asleep on the window sill that night, when I awoke very early that morning, the rain had stopped, but I knew that it had not washed away my misery.